The Daily Dose

“It was not you who chose Me, but I who chose you.”

Today, we celebrate the feast day of St. Matthias - a saint who was promoted to apostle status because of his faithfulness to Christ. I think many of us can relate to St. Matthias - we stand in the background, hidden in our little lives, but following Jesus faithfully all the while.

We don’t hear about St. Matthias anywhere else in scripture, but today’s Gospel is perfect for his feast day. Jesus says, “It was not you who chose Me, but I who chose you.”

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“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower.”

I have a confession. I’m a control-freak - and that coupled with the annoying, people-pleaser perfectionist within me makes for the ultimate, internal-frenemy situation. I care how others see me, but I hate it because I can’t control it. The only thing I can control is my own perception of how others perceive me - and how do I actually control that? I can’t. But I want to. So I try anyway. It’s enough to send any control freak in circles.

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“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you.”

Last week, I started watching Burn Notice, which is a show about a spy who gets burned (aka fired). It only takes a few episodes for the obvious spy themes to appear - power is necessary, and relationships are weaknesses. Power has the edge, and whether it’s wielded by outsmarting your opponent or out-gunning them, every super-spy needs an angle.

A spy is the epitome of a “man (or woman) of the world.”

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“Whoever loves me will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our dwelling with him.”

If you’re anything like me, keeping God’s word seems easy until it comes right down to it. I seem to have a stubborn rebellious streak that doesn’t like to be disturbed.

The phrase, “it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission” pops into my head frequently and, admittedly, has become something of a mantra (unintentionally). If there’s one thing I suck at, it’s being patient.

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“I am the way and the truth and the life.”

In a global pandemic, it can be difficult to know what to do, it can be trying to sort out how to respond, and it can straight-up suck to figure out what or who to believe. Truth be told, I’m sick of, “these are unprecedented times” and “did you do your research?” and “where did you hear that?”

As we’re struggling to draw the lines between what’s acceptable and what isn’t, tensions are rising, and uncertainty is raging. Neighbors and friends are casting judgment.

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“For ever I will sing the goodness of the Lord.”

This week has been messy for me. A few big decisions have popped up, and I’m not ready for them. I’ve hated trying to make important choices during this COVID situation. I’m a girl who goes with my gut - but my “gut” is struggling to “do its thing” when I can’t feel my way around new relationships and new places.

Typically, I’m very decisive, but these circumstances have thrown me for a loop. It’s been hard to trust myself and my gut without getting a proper lay of the land.

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“Sent forth by the Holy Spirit,”

During this quarantine, I’ve felt a lot of pressure to be productive. I’ve wanted to take up new hobbies, teach myself all sorts of obscure things, and perform all of these new skills for the masses to admire. My mind is telling me not to waste a moment.

But then I do. I waste lots of moments, and then I feel like I’m failing. I feel like I’m not giving enough or putting in enough effort. Instead of enjoying the extra space to rest, the driven, high-achiever within me is not impressed.

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“My Father...is greater than all,”

Our God is greater than all. All things. All people. All nations. All leaders. All sickness. All pain. All uncertainty. All disappointment. All hurt. All circumstances. All finances. All red tape. All difficulties. All burdens. All relationships. God is greater than all.

He reigns victorious over every difficulty in our lives, and He proves Himself faithful time and time again. Sisters, this post isn’t new news, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t need a reminder.

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“I know mine and mine know me.”

Back in Jesus’s time, a shepherd was one of the most lowly positions - it wasn’t highly respected or prestigious at all. It was humble. It wasn’t (and it isn’t) easy work. Simply put - shepherding isn’t for the weak because shepherding requires heart.

A good shepherd doesn’t just offer the bare necessities for His flock - he provides personal care for each sheep. A good shepherd comforts the lambs as they’re weaned from their mothers and cares for the sheep that get sick.

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“For my Flesh is true food,”

I have a love/hate relationship with John 6. I love it because I’m proud to be Catholic and honored to receive our Lord in the Eucharist. And I hate it - because it’s super controversial and incredibly difficult to explain to pretty much anyone who isn’t Catholic.

Let’s be honest - this scripture is a doozy. It’s a cornerstone of our Catholic faith - but it gets messy in Christian circles and can be pretty jarring for those unfamiliar with Christianity in general.

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“No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him,”

This weekend, a friend texted with an urgent prayer request. Being the decent human being that I am, I quickly responded that I was praying for them. A few hours later, I heard from my friend - there was a major breakthrough shortly after I prayed.

Now, I’ll be honest - I felt a significant surge in pride after hearing this. Because my first instinct was to take credit. I was the one who prayed, so I caused something miraculous. Ha!

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“This is the will of my Father, that everyone who sees the Son and believes in Him may have eternal life,”

I’m not going to lie. There are people who I’d rather not run into in Heaven. Friends that have betrayed me, mentors that have hurt me, and some people who are just downright mean. Yeah, I could do without them on an eternal basis.

But even though my love for others is flawed, God’s isn’t. God is ready to forgive. He promises that those who come to Him, who believe in Him, and repent will have eternal life.

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“Whoever comes to Me will never hunger.”

This is a hard scripture for me. I still hunger. I have gone to Jesus, but I still hunger. I still have desires and hopes. I still feel achy on a bad day and cry because I feel alone sometimes. I have dreams that aren’t yet fulfilled and grand ideas of the life I want. I still have insecurities and struggle to know what to do.

I still hunger. I want more than I have and wish for less of my flaws. I have wants and needs. And they’re real.

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“I will meditate on Your wondrous deeds”

Last week, I devoured the new episodes of The Chosen. The Chosen is the first-ever, multi-season TV show about the life of Jesus; and during this quarantine, The Chosen live-streamed Season 1 for free on YouTube. As I watched the miracles of Jesus come to life, I was amazed and mystified over Him and His goodness all over again.

As He cast out demons and healed and turned water into wine, I was wide-eyed in wonder. Tears streamed down my face on multiple occasions.

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“Then Jesus took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed them to those who were reclining, and also as much of the fish as they wanted.”

A few years ago, I was shopping for a new-to-me car. I was determined to find a car and get a loan all on my own. It was overwhelming, but I was determined. And then my dad called me. He’d found an ideal little car, bought it, and offered me an interest-free loan.

At first, I was upset. Buying my first car felt like a right-of-passage into adulthood.

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“Taste and see how good the LORD is; blessed the man who takes refuge in Him.”

This pandemic has kamikazed my normal rhythms of life - my sleep schedule, my prayer life, my healthy eating habits, my service to others, and my workouts are barely staying afloat. The allure of treating myself has never been more intense, and I’m struggling to keep my head and my habits above water.

I could consistently “treat myself,” but if I do that, I’m taking refuge in things (sleep, food, TV, etc…) instead of Jesus.

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“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.”

Yesterday, we reflected on the challenges of comparison - let’s just say that condemnation and comparison regularly go out for drinks after work and huddle together during lunch. Here’s the thing - when we compare ourselves to others, we’re either judging ourselves or another person. We’re stack-ranking people - complex people with complex problems, complex lives, and complex hearts.

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“The community of believers was of one heart and mind,”

Have your legs ever felt like noodles after a tough workout? Yeah. That’s how my will-power feels after a month of sheltering in place. Without any built-in structure to my day, I’ve had to use a ton of self-discipline - and when is that ever fun?

This is especially true in the area of social media. It’s too simple to open Facebook or Instagram on my phone when I’m feeling bored or lonely - and feelings of comparison inevitably arise.

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“Unless one is born from above, he cannot see the Kingdom of God.”

**Warning - feeling cheeky today!** Today is 4/20 - the unofficial holiday and celebration of smoking pot. And while many are lighting up, we Christians seek a different kind of high. Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati famously coined the phrase, “Verso l’alto,” translated, “To the heights” - and it captures the heart of a better high.

It’s not that Christians don’t want to get high; it's that we embrace the climb to the heights.

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“Cast the net over the right side of the boat, and you will find something.”

Jesus promises the disciples that they’ll “find something” when they cast their nets. I imagine that they assumed they’d find fish, but instead they found their Lord. Instead, Jesus harkens back to one of His first miracles, as if to say, “Remember how far we’ve come?”

The first time there was a miraculous catch of fish, Peter was focused on the fish - on the miracle. But the second time, Peter could care less about the catch.

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