Where's My KitchenAid?
“Abba, Father - all things are possible for You.” Mark 14:36
In the first reading, it seems obvious that we are on the side of the Hebrews - we identify as the people that were oppressed. The Hebrews are our brothers - of course, we are on the “right side” of history. In many ways, we do experience that oppression, but we aren’t so far above the Pharaoh. It’s way too easy to slip into the mindset of the Pharaoh. He says to his people, “Look how numerous and power the people of the children of Israel are growing, more so than ourselves!”
To put it into common terms: Look at how successful those people are. Look at how much power those people hold. They’re way bigger. They’re growing way faster. We’re not even close. They’re flourishing more than we are.
He continues, “Come, let us deal shrewdly with them to stop their increase; otherwise, in time of war they too may join our enemies to fight against us, and so leave our country."
Let’s be tough on them. Let’s not support their efforts. Let’s do our own thing. Let’s go our own way. Otherwise, we might lose our voice. We might not have a say anymore. We might not get to be in charge anymore. We might have to surrender control.
Pharaoh is talking about manipulation.
He is talking about adjusting circumstances to keep a certain group of people in a certain position. He is planning to arrange the most advantageous solution for himself - in the name of keeping their way of life intact.
We fall into this trap ALL the time, especially in ministry and in friendship (and boys). We hide behind “strategy” in ministry when we know in our hearts that we’re not being strategic - we’re attempting to maintain control. We “forget” to invite girls who like the same boy to a party that we know he’ll attend. Or we invite them late or do so begrudgingly or only invite them when we already know they’re not available. WHY? We are so dang selfish. LORD, have mercy.
Why is it that we always seek to control?
What is that within us that strives to understand, arrange, and control?
Why are we always seeking comfort in our circumstances?
Especially when we know what we really want:
We truly, deeply want to be closer to Jesus,
to live in communion with the Holy Spirit,
and to seek & do the Father’s will.
Why is it so hard for us to be happy for a similar ministry or church that’s flourishing? What is it within us that drives competition with our brothers and sisters? We KNOW that’s not what it’s about. And yet, we feel it. Oh, do we feel it. LORD, have mercy.
Why do we always seek to be the greatest, the best, the first? Why, oh why, is it so hard to be joyful for another’s joy? Why do we want what the other has so intensely?
Why are bridal showers and baby showers
SO. FREAKING. DIFFICULT?
I don’t know about you, but they are sooo hard for me.
I can’t tell you how many times, I sit there trying to be genuinely joyful for my beloved sister (instead of faking it), and I spend the two hours fighting the urge to stew. I want my cousins to buy me a KitchenAid. I want to be honored and doted on. I want everyone to celebrate me for nothing other than falling in love. I sit there thinking, “They already have a boyfriend/fiance/love of their life, and now they get a bunch of free stuff?!” It’s awful, but it’s true. Bridal and baby showers are the absolute WORST for me - they are way harder than the actual wedding.
I am the Pharaoh in those moments.
I allow my jealousy and my disappointment to CLOUD my love.
In most cases, I deeply love the woman being celebrated, so I feel like a real tool when these emotions crop up. What are the moments you are the Pharaoh? Be honest. Get convicted. When are you all about you instead of all about others? When do you try to control and manipulate circumstances to your advantage instead of to God’s vision? Because that’s what it’s about.
IT’S ALL ABOUT GOD’S VISION.
Not yours. Not mine. His. It’s all His. I’ll tell you gals. Shower jealousy is something I still battle, but I’m 100 times better at it when I go straight to Jesus.
Sisters, go straight to Him and surrender it all.
But how?
This is my best example of the only thing that remotely works for me in these situations:
“Jesus, I surrender my good desire to get married. I surrender my good desire to have children. I surrender my good desire to build a life with a man. I know that You KNOW the ache of my heart. Jesus, You KNOW how much I want that kind of intimacy, companionship, and love. Jesus, help. Jesus, help me love the woman in front of me with your love. Please rid my heart of jealousy, competition, selfishness, and disappointment. Help me to simply love You more than anything. Jesus, I am sad. That’s what it comes down to. I am sad that this isn’t my life today. But I proclaim that You keep Your promises. Always. I proclaim goodness over my life. You are the Lord. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE FOR YOU. I believe that You have awesome things in store for me. I believe it, Father. Come and remind my heart of what I really want. Come and remind my heart that I really want You.”
Girls. I cannot tell you how many times I have sat in my car before walking into a shower and prayed a prayer just like this after crying my way through worship songs on my way to a random home address. I get there. I park. I pray. I swipe my tears, fix my mascara, grab my gift, smile in spite of it all, and head to the door.
This is what it means to love other people. It means laying down your life for other people when it sucks and you don’t want to. This is what dying to myself looks like for me. I don’t do it perfectly or well, but I’m trying. And that’s all He asks. And you’re not alone. You can do it, too.
Father,
Gracious Father. We give You everything. You can have it all, Lord. Show us gently when we’re the Pharaoh and turn us back. Correct our course.
We want to be like You.
We want to love the way that You do, Lord.
Please Lord, come and change our hearts. Remove from us jealousy, disappointment, manipulation, control, and every other selfish thing. Teach us to surrender to Your goodness. Teach us to surrender to Your love for others. Please give us a mind for Your kingdom and Your glory before our own. We love You, Lord.
Thank You for your generous heart. Thank You for Your never-ending mercy. We don’t deserve it, but Jesus, we are so thankful for it.